


Conquering the World with One Hand

by casual_distance



Series: Mount Holy Buttfuck [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, M/M, Timestamp, mentioned Benny Lafitte, mentioned hannah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 17:53:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5258024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casual_distance/pseuds/casual_distance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Dean holds his hand in public, Castiel is terrified.  He’s afraid to acknowledge it, afraid that if he thinks about it too hard, enjoys it too much, looks at Dean for a second too long, Dean will let go.  But Dean doesn’t.  He clutches at Castiel as if he’s proving a point, and maybe he is, even if only to himself.  Castiel clutches back, because he can’t help himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conquering the World with One Hand

**Author's Note:**

> So [this image](http://tarteauxfraises.tumblr.com/post/132818228347) showed up on my dash. I don’t know what show this is or who those boys are, but I couldn’t help but think of Dean and Cas at Mount Holy Buttfuck. :)

_This is how they come out about their relationship to their friends:_

Dean holds Castiel’s hand and pointedly sets it on top of their lunch table, eyes hard, chin raised in challenge. Benny looks at their joined hands for a long moment before he points out how difficult it will be to eat one handed. Hannah already knew though Castiel isn’t sure how.

Dean takes Benny’s words as a challenge, and they both each lunch single-handedly that day. It goes as poorly as Benny expected and by the end of it he and Dean are laughing too hard to actually eat.

_This is how they let it change their way of being:_

Dean, Castiel finds, enjoys holding his hand, but more than that, he wants to touch Castiel. If they are within arm’s length of each other, they are touching. Dean will hook his fingers into Castiel’s belt loops, tug on the hem of his jacket or the curve of his pocket or the cuff of his sleeve. He will drape an arm over his shoulders or rest an elbow on one of them. He presses together their thighs, the feet, their arms. He will rest a hand on Castiel’s knee or against the small of his back. He will hook his ankle around Castiel’s.

Castiel falls into the habit easily. If Dean does not reach out to him, he reaches out to Dean. The constant contact changes something in Castiel fundamentally, though Castiel does not realize it until he finds himself lying awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, his hands reaching for something… for someone. He finds that Dean has not slept either the next morning, and that night Castiel sneaks from his room and down the hall to Dean’s.

Dean opens the door before he knocks.

It’s only when he’s in Dean’s arms, pressed chest to hip to thigh against Dean, that Castiel realizes he’s able to breathe. 

It gets easier after a while, and the loss becomes bearable, but Castiel never stops noticing. He is aware of the moment Dean touches him. He is aware of the press of Dean’s body against his, of the warmth that fills the spaces between them.

They develop a silent language of touches. A slide of fingers along a shoulder means come here. A double tap of fingers against a hand means take mine, against a hip or side means come closer, against a cheek means kiss me. They guide each other with touches, directing movement and offering comfort. Though it began as an answer to a challenge, Castiel finds himself proficient in eating with one hand, in reading and working and writing with one hand. He doesn’t think anything of the touches, of the communication. It simply is the way they are.

_This is how they realize it is forever:_

Hannah sends him a text one day during Calculus. He puts down his pencil to pick up his phone and read it. Her message contains a heart emoticon and a picture attachment. Castiel opens the picture and his heart pounds heavy in his chest.

Dean sits behind him in Calculus. He pretends otherwise, but Dean is excellent in math when he bothers to learn the material. Castiel has, through various methods of persuasion, managed to make paying attention a habit of Dean’s most days. Still, on days like today, days in which the teacher gives them freedom, Dean will lay his head down on the desk and sleep. 

He stretches his hand out to rest his palm against Castiel’s side. Castiel is aware of the heat of his hand, of the press of his fingers, of the weight of Dean’s touch from the moment he does. Today Dean taps his side, and Castiel stretches a hand across his body to take Dean’s. He works steadily with his free hand and lets Dean’s touch recede to the back of his mind.

The picture on his phone, the picture of them- of Dean sleeping, of Castiel working, of their connected hands- brings Castiel’s awareness of Dean to the front of his mind. Dean’s fingers are loose in his sleep, curled just enough to catch on the curve of Castiel’s fingers. Castiel squeezes and Dean’s fingers twitch though he does not wake enough to squeeze back.

Castiel brushes his thumb against the screen of his phone and he knows. In this moment, he knows.

When Castiel met Dean, he was angry, unwilling to listen, fighting to make himself heard when he could not say the words out loud. He pushed Castiel hardest of all, and it was only because Castiel recognized the terror in his eyes that he did not let Dean push him away. He had held steady against Dean’s raging and eventually Dean’s rage burned out. Dean fell, tired and aching and alone, and Castiel caught him. He never imaged Dean would let him get this close, that Dean would ever love him back, love him so fiercely that Castiel cannot breathe past the knowledge sometimes.

But he does.

Castiel looks at the picture on his phone and he knows that he will never love anyone else the way he loves Dean. He tightens his grip on Dean’s hand. Dean shifts behind him, waking, and matches Castiel’s hold.

Castiel texts Hannah his thanks and then forwards the picture to Dean. He hears the sudden intake of breath behind him. He feels Dean squeeze his fingers and hears the softly whispered “Cas” and he knows he is not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I could conquer the world with one hand as long as you’re holding the other. - Megan Smith


End file.
